guess it's about time

You asked me why I wanted to know how you are doin after all that has happened. I pondered on that ques, annoyed by it too, frustrated over these things, ppl say its not worth thinking….and all I can answer is because I care.I know you miss your family, miss home, miss your close frens back home. You had the choice to go back, but you chose not to and stayed on for studies. You said sad life, but here I am telling you is you had the choice and a reason to make that decision of yours. I hope your reason is strong enough for you to go thru this one recess week and dun let it go to waste.I still remember the last recess, we went back together. I went back to wind up, thinking of quitting NUS cos my sis wedding clashing with my attachment. You said that its gonna be a real loss if I do quit. You even said that I am ur closest fren in sg who have helped you in many ways, always there for you and kept you away from feeling lonely.I guess all that you say, and all the times we have spent are left memories. You wont be lonely this recess week, I know, cos you still have others here. And I pray that you will cherish them for they are by your side and that all will go well in everything you do, be it studies, family, love or career.I am still hurt….a lot of dissatisfaction, explains why I never came back online. And that I may have treated you badly, ironically with wat I call you as my fren. I am sorry if I have been pushing you in one way or another with all my harsh, sad, emo words.I guess all that happened because i am wondering what have I done to deserve this. Maybe I helped you too much that you stop helping me. Maybe I cared for you too much that you wanna stop caring bout me. Maybe I spent so much time with you that stop yourself from having any time with me.The last time we went out, buying your shoes, on the way back, if you remember…I wasn’t moody…..i just wanna let you know i was just quiet. I was quiet because i know that that is gonna be the last time we are gonna shop together, spend our time together. I was quiet because I wanted to cherish that last good old day. I just wished that I could have spent cny eve, friendship day and chap goh mei with my closest buddy and not alone.I realize Im holding on to this friendship so much, so strongly because of me n not for you. I guess I wanted to protect myself, not wanting to lose a close fren, although I already have.And I know that if I really care for you, my fren, I should and would let go. And let you carry on with your studies and your social life, while I move on with my life, caring for others who are concerned bout me more.All I can say is I am still trying…..trying to find my way, find my place, find myself and waitin…waiting for time, waiting for a change of things.STUDY HARD my fren. I know you can stay focus with lil effort of help from others.

is it done?

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

I took another chance, took a fall
Took a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new - yeah
I loved you with the a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like an angel
Heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

That it's too late to apologize
It's too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late

-timbaland, apologize-



No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
The truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind

I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothings broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you (I'll always have you)

Sick of playing all of these games
It’s not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror didn’t deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop
Admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I’ve gotta be strong and leave you behind

If I live every moment
Won’t change any moment
There's still a part of me in you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do, oh

- jordin sparks, tatoo-


I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

So you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby

- maroon 5, better that we break-


am gonna predict, my old frens out there would probably think of sth...
here's my answer to you, its not wat you think it is.
it concerns of sth that i cherish most, no matter where i am, when it is....
i am sure you know wats the most important for me....

happy & satisfied VS worried

before i start, THANKS to those who have spoken to me these past few days....you know who you are.....nostalgic memories...*sorry* i only have these few pix in my lap top*


ok.....i dunno what to feel....

i am suppose to study, which i did BUT at the same time, am watching series!

yes, and for those of you who knows my history of being glued to the tv during the kiddy days and also secondary school days, am not sure if i am back to my old self. i lost that identity last year when i was in college kl, cos there was no tv to watch and not much source of series.

NOW....hum hum hum, maybe having a constant internet line is not so good after all, as i can watch series after series non stop....of course, i am studying when i do that.

i dunno whether i should feel happy and satisfied or worried. my old self is back,doing homework during commercial breaks and studying in front of the tv, eliminating the stressful feeling, and also helping me to feel guilty if i watch too much and so making me feel focus.

or should i be worried cos i haven stopped doing this for the past year and i wonder how much i studied actually gets into my head.

watever it is, i know in future when i am bored, or at least feeling disconnected and not belonged, i have a home to turn to - my room = my bed, my skype, my series.....

end? beginning?

last day was my last day of uni for sem 1 year 1. and i need not mention how time flies soooo fast again. it just seems like i just blogged about my arrival in singapore and my nursing ori camp, trying to get used to this new home.

despite the ups and downs, emotional rages that i had, theres nothing i can dwell bout it but really just live thru each day to the fullest. am sure most of you all would agree me in this, life has just got to go on, no matter how crappy your life is.

andso for the next week, its reading week. my first paper starts on fri with smelly engligh, and sat anatomy. monday ethics and law, wed contem nursing, thurs physiology and fri last but not least professional issues and practices.

really hope i can focus on my studies now and not think think think, let others affect me and also series!!! hehe.

and after my exams, i seriously owe lots of ppl time, haven been spending time with my frens and most importantly our dear old school mate chris!! hang in there chris, before i pass you my greys. and also time with the rest of all of you, very very delayed emails and phone calls.

cant wait to go back kuching and meet up with everyone.

its not that i am homesick or wat, but i tot the 'home' that i have established here in singapore, nus, i am beginning to lose it.....explains my last post song on home from michael buble.

all i ask is very simple for home. a place where i truly feel belonged, connected and among understanding ppl. and most importantly, the sense of security. am sure you all would know my history of insecurit. i once tot i had alreday here in.....but am beginning to lose it and i really just wanna go home. thats why i really cant wait to go back kuching, home where my frens are all there.

sorry ppl for not being up to date. will catch up with you guys soon. and those of you who are going to drop by singapore for transit of hols.....let me know. am gonna be here till dec 27....spending lonely xmas here.

study hard for those who are sitting for exams and those over already, enjoy, relax and have fun!!

another summer day
has come and gone away

maybe surrounded by
a million people i
still feel all alone
i just wanna go home

-------------------

solo en el corazon

para el amor, la esperanza, la compania y la felicidad; quien voy

wats with me?

i finally did my laundry and iron ALL my clothes which has been sitting in my cupboard for days!!!

and i did try to cook!!

wat else, oh tony blair's lecture. it was an experience listening to a real politician talk....but i guess above all, the best part is after the lecture.....WINE AND FINGER FOOD.....from shangrilla.

now back to the real student world....START STUDYING!!!

good luck everyone in your tests/assignments/exams


i just cant seem to blog my feelings out now....weird......i tot i could do that since i cant talk now

happy deepavali!!

ppiiixxxx - SEOUL GARDEN ORCHARD
(ME, CHANG MEI, CHRISTINE, CHI KUAN, SU EE)
(HSIEN LENG, BRANDON, MING HAN)

the last time i blogged was just after my recess week. and now, its a week before uni officially ends. oct, and now nov. again i need not mention, SOO FAST!!

just had a grueling week. and thie weekend, is gonna be a long break, pause for me to rest and catch up with things slowly. yep yep yep, i know finals is less than OMG, 2 weeks?? i never realised that. but i really need to slow down after my ethics and law essay, pip presentation and also anatomy ca, all happening in one shot. next week still got skills lab for transfering. yep, i definitely need to slow down this weekend. not to mention, recuperate to build a stronger inner self...since the past 2 weeks have been really emotionally and mentally drainin.

i am worried, because i am not worried bout my studies!! ARGHHHH...feels like my mind are more occupied with frens, ppl, my surroundings. and that kinda sucks cos i am suppose to be thinking bout studies. its weird, that i feel tired, drained out not because of studies but more to ppl. am sure you know how worried i can get but this time round, i felt that i am doing fine with my studies tho i am not the top of the top but i am not so concerned bout it which worries me now. and really, ppl is also not a good mind thinking factor. its really drains you out and i must say my feelings are controlling my life and thats a big NO NO to anyones life, just like wat my lecturer used to mentioN

oh well, now i just gotta learn to control. this week, definitely a slow down for me, nevertheless, activities, outings are still on and definitely STUDIES. no more time but taking it slowly.

late going bugis to celebrate for presentation with my grp after the hard work we put in. also a relaxationperiod for all us after the hectic schedule that we had.

tomorrow gonna be in tony blair's lecture...hopefully its not gonna be boring.

half sem gone

time really flies....sooo freaking fast. half a sem is gone. i mean my half sem 1 is gone. had a recess week since last sat. went to kl visit my sis. and yesterday came back to sing. wat can i say. recess is not so much of a holiday. anyone would agree with me on that, recess is time to catch up with watever studies that you are left behind. study??? test coming up as uni reopens. study??? of course most of us failed to do it. planing to study, ends up with fun, pleasure, lazyness and just rest and relax. oh well

was not in a good emotional state before recess. which was why i really look forward to the recess week for me to just take a step back, think and sort things out. since todays the last day of recess, any progress??? well, not really...still feeling the same way. i just dunno why. but i have made up my mind, time just doesnt wait for us. so look not to the past but just be prepared for wats ahead of you. well, its really easy for me to say to my frens but i never want to listen to my own words. am sure you my frens agree on me on that

ah, having cas really soon. gootta start studying. bet my other coursemates have finished while me, just started. oh well, wat to do, just din had the mood.

meanwhile, trip back to kl was......REALLY A MIXED EMOTIONAL TRIP. explaination??? well, those of you who knows wats going on with my familys event of the year would know wat i am facing. plus my life in nus in terms of my course, and my future and my passion and dream. all adds up during the hols, definitely this trip was an emotional one. I MISS MY SISTERS!!! definitely...

nevertheless, i did had a great time with them!



and also with my frens. went down to klang, had bak kut teh, cendol and went jusco. crazy pix

of all the fun that i had, its now that matters

and now, its back to reality!!!

note: am not stress yet k. i am having lotsa fun. if one is stress, one wont be having fun. its just that why isnt there more time so we can have more fun and enjoy watever we do including studying??

pix from 'home'

nite life at pgp, the foyer that never sleeps, trust me, two three am still got ppl

christine and i at cheese prata shop nearby

just love the skylight. anyway, on the rite is my cluster gate

entering my corridor, and the first room on the left , O is my room

and this is how my room looks like when i first came. i tell you, i was shocked, so disappointed.

plain looking compared to chang meis one.

but then after a few days, hm...i cant ask for more from my room. why?

waking up, and looking at the picturesque view outside my window room, its just so calm and peaceful

and after settling down, my room is feeling kinda 'homey'

my bed, my study table, own sink and cupboard

and i just look my view! left, is wat i see looking down from my window

rite, is the left view when coming out from the lift

the center and the rite. at really good place to stone at nite when the foyer is packed with ppl

Tissues + RAG DAY/SUNTEC 11 aug

yup, am carrying tissues everywhere i go.....down with flu!!!...i guess its about time. tho with the healthy fruit and veg diet i have everyday and lots of water i drank now ....most of you would know i dun drink water... the lack of sleep and rest has finally caused me to have the usual cold symptoms. flu, sore throat and swollen lymph nodes. since tues actually, noticed my lymph nodes were swollen and i knew sth is not right, and also was feeling so tired, weak, and here comes the sore throat and now adding on, flu. but wat i cant stand is its like alang-alang flu, flu symptom, keep on sneezing, weak body but no runny nose, or blocked nose. ish....now i wish my flu would come and go fast!

why? well, i have tonnes of work to do...yes yes, those of you who started uni since beg of this year, i finally understand wat you mean...never ending work. and tom, sat, i have a bash for nursing, med, dentistry and pharmacy. and on sun, gonna watch rattatouile with my support group. so yea, i need to be well to go for both events. ok...and the otehr important reason is i need to study...test on tuesday and next week wil be the heavy week with mroe research to be done. this weekend is like a catch up weekend....have not be on par with the lectures. yes yes, sherly not being able to catch up...i cant believe it myself. with all the modules tat am taking, none of them NONE, i am up to date. so yea, i gotta ctach up asap before hols cos hols need to study for exam after hols is over.

alritos, i gotta get back to blood blood and more blood, physiology and then cadio which i ttally have no idea wat was being taught. meanwhile, here are pix during the rag day 11 aug!! and then after that, went to suntec, christine, both andrews and i.