Monday, February 18, 2008
You asked me why I wanted to know how you are doin after all that has happened. I pondered on that ques, annoyed by it too, frustrated over these things, ppl say its not worth thinking….and all I can answer is because I care.I know you miss your family, miss home, miss your close frens back home. You had the choice to go back, but you chose not to and stayed on for studies. You said sad life, but here I am telling you is you had the choice and a reason to make that decision of yours. I hope your reason is strong enough for you to go thru this one recess week and dun let it go to waste.I still remember the last recess, we went back together. I went back to wind up, thinking of quitting NUS cos my sis wedding clashing with my attachment. You said that its gonna be a real loss if I do quit. You even said that I am ur closest fren in sg who have helped you in many ways, always there for you and kept you away from feeling lonely.I guess all that you say, and all the times we have spent are left memories. You wont be lonely this recess week, I know, cos you still have others here. And I pray that you will cherish them for they are by your side and that all will go well in everything you do, be it studies, family, love or career.I am still hurt….a lot of dissatisfaction, explains why I never came back online. And that I may have treated you badly, ironically with wat I call you as my fren. I am sorry if I have been pushing you in one way or another with all my harsh, sad, emo words.I guess all that happened because i am wondering what have I done to deserve this. Maybe I helped you too much that you stop helping me. Maybe I cared for you too much that you wanna stop caring bout me. Maybe I spent so much time with you that stop yourself from having any time with me.The last time we went out, buying your shoes, on the way back, if you remember…I wasn’t moody…..i just wanna let you know i was just quiet. I was quiet because i know that that is gonna be the last time we are gonna shop together, spend our time together. I was quiet because I wanted to cherish that last good old day. I just wished that I could have spent cny eve, friendship day and chap goh mei with my closest buddy and not alone.I realize Im holding on to this friendship so much, so strongly because of me n not for you. I guess I wanted to protect myself, not wanting to lose a close fren, although I already have.And I know that if I really care for you, my fren, I should and would let go. And let you carry on with your studies and your social life, while I move on with my life, caring for others who are concerned bout me more.All I can say is I am still trying…..trying to find my way, find my place, find myself and waitin…waiting for time, waiting for a change of things.STUDY HARD my fren. I know you can stay focus with lil effort of help from others.